B-Side Guys

A stolen peanut at age five shouldn’t carry enough weight to anchor an entire song, yet Ingrid Howell transforms this microscopic transgression into something approaching cosmic significance. “I Think I’m Going to Hell” operates on the understanding that childhood religious anxiety doesn’t follow adult logic—that minor infractions can feel apocalyptic when filtered through undeveloped psychology and omnipresent divine surveillance.

Bad Self Portraits builds their sonic architecture around Howell’s confessional vulnerability without overwhelming it. Cole Kempcke and Connor Paintin’s guitar work creates space for introspection, weaving between delicate finger-picking and more assertive strumming that mirrors the song’s emotional oscillation. Jesse White’s rhythmic foundation remains steady throughout, providing anchoring stability while Howell’s vocals navigate between whispered guilt and cathartic release.

The production choices reflect the band’s commitment to preserving rawness over polish. Howell’s voice sits close in the mix, creating intimacy that makes listeners feel complicit in her childhood secrecy. The arrangement builds organically rather than following prescribed dynamics, understanding that trauma processing rarely follows neat emotional progressions.

What elevates “I Think I’m Going to Hell” beyond typical religious trauma narratives is Howell’s specificity about neurodivergent experience. Her description of hiding the peanut shell in a locked diary, then concealing the key above closet trim, reveals obsessive-compulsive behaviors that transform simple guilt into elaborate ritual. The song captures how undiagnosed mental health conditions can amplify religious messaging into something unbearable.

The track’s power lies in its refusal to resolve the central tension. Howell doesn’t offer clean recovery or renewed faith, instead presenting ongoing struggle with inherited spiritual concepts that no longer serve adult understanding. This isn’t liberation music but music about the difficulty of liberation.

By centering their debut album’s title track around such intimate material, Bad Self Portraits establishes fearless emotional honesty as their primary currency. Sometimes the smallest transgressions create the largest wounds.